A pilgrim on my bended knees, I'd cross the desert if it please you.

So, I work retail some weekends to make extra cash for beer (which is nicely ironic, since I sell wine. I turn wine into beer. I'm like an alcoholic Jesus, y'all). I have worked for this company sort of on and off since high school. I love this job. It allowed me to pay off my student loans as soon as I was done school while still allowing me to study lots and stay in the honours program. It's easy, pays decent and feeds my need to be around people.

Normally I love being around strangers or new people. It's a chance to reinvent yourself every time. Yes, I lie to strangers. Wouldn't you like to tell somebody that you're a (fill in the awesome job you wanted when you were a kid) just once? Fireman? Zoologist? Monkey trainer? Anyway, yeah, I like to be around strangers. Awesome strangers who have those interesting senses of humour that only come out when you know you're never going to see the person you're talking to ever again. People are generally nicer to strangers who smile at them than they are to their own families. Except this morning. God, I wanted to Kill. Them. All.

Today I come into work all bouncy and perky like I am in the morning. I had a good night and a good sleep. Woke up well. Got my water, and cherry cheese danish. It's gonna be a good day.

I am ONE minute from opening the gate when some random old guy starts pushing it open and sticks his head inside and says, "you're open?"

And so I say, "I'll be opening in ONE minute." In my head I'm thinking that this guy's an ass for being so rude as to try to enter my OBVIOUSLY closed store.

And he says, "I'll wait out here then."

And I'm like, "Yes, you will." In my head I'm seething with rage.

And so, ONE minute later, I open the gate and he comes in and buys a $9 bottle of wine and is super rude to me. I wanted to kick him in the head out of the store. But I really wanted high sales today so I held my tongue.

But I'm still seething with rage. The Trews aren't even calming down. I'm about to try some Marianas Trench if that doesn't work I may have to punch something cute, like a baby or a kitten, just to release some of this anger.

Mommies, hide your babies.

P.S. OMG, a guy just walked past the store who looks EXACTLY like Patrick Duffy! I think Patrick Duffy just walked past my store guys. I mean, what else does he have to do? I'm gonna go meet Patrick Duffy now, y'all.

P.P.S. I just discovered VeVo and watched Adam Lambert's If I Had You three times in a row. You can let your infants out now.